letting go + total surrender
These past two months have been a complete whirlwind for me. I've been shaken to the core and I've been really given the opportunity to release what no longer serves. In the beginning of March, I was rushed to the ER with gallstones. Choosing the holistic approach to release and heal rather than the easy fix of removing my gallbladder, I've allowed myself to fully embrace this adventure.
There is a reason why we find dis-ease in our bodies. Often times, our bodies are there to tell us what is wrong. I was feeling like shit for well over 6 months. There were many changes happening during that time. I decided to reassess my Spiritual Entrepreneurial endeavors that would be more in alignment with my truth. I was going through the grieving process of the transition of my grandmother. I temporarily moved back to Palm Springs to help out family, leaving behind living in Encinitas. All in all, MAJOR life changes that would play an important role in my character development. By this time, my soul was exhausted. I was relying on my strength to make shit happen. What this translated to was me having an imbalance in my energy. I found myself strong in my Masculine Energy and not so reliant on my Feminine Energy.
I've been working and focused on balancing these energies within since my visit with John of God back in March of 2015. With my grandmother being ill and preparing to transition, being with her and fully embracing that experience had precedence. With it being almost a year since her transition, the work I set out to heal and transcend with my experience of John of God was finally coming off of the back burner and was ready to come forth and to be worked on.
As a student of A Course in Miracles, my commitment for practicing radical forgiveness has played a pivotal role in my healing journey. While in Abadania visiting John of God, I was deep into teaching The Course on Instagram. Of the healing prayers, I asked the entities to help me find balance with my Masculine and Feminine energy. Growing up in a time where to be a woman meant having to prove yourself in a patriarchal society, this Gemini couldn't be further away from my soft and receptive feminine side. I was forceful in everything - my relationships, my work, my healing, you name it. It was challenging to be humble.
As time has passed, I've had to learn the hard way to slow down and receive. My gallstone issue has been the opportunity I've been needing. If everything is in Divine Timing, I'm grateful I've finally arrived at this moment of time. I have been able to witness the simple truth that if I continued to go down the path where I was chasing through my life, I would have even bigger issues down the line.
Two gallstone flushes later, I've passed over 60 stones that have been stuck in my body. Having the blessing to release the toxins that have been trapped in my body, I am finally able to find some clarity and the space to allow new opportunities to come my way. I've learned to let go of the plans I think would be best for me when my intuition and gut feelings tell me otherwise.
This gallbladder issue brought forth another Dark Night of the Soul journey. Granted we were in the middle of five planetary retrogrades, but the road the last couple months has not been a smooth ride. I've had to really reevaluate the choices I was making and take a step back to see what the bigger picture was showing me. It's been practice to allow myself to see when things aren't going my way on the surface level that something better is brewing up behind the scenes. It's been the ultimate test of faith to know that greater things, far beyond my wildest dreams, are coming up for me in the near future. I've had to sacrifice some things and some plans along the way, but in the end, everything is working out perfectly. To commit to a path where you are here to humbly serve the greatest good, sometimes God shows you something far different than you thought. It's all about seeing where you are in your level of awareness. Is what you desire serving your ego, or do you see it helping serve the highest good for all beings.
As of now, my top priorities are my overall health and wellbeing, but on a broader scale, my healing path and journey come first and foremost. If we are feeling well, we can help serve the highest good fully. This was my prayer and intention when I visited John of God - show me how I can best serve God. I'm seeing it come through as I've really learned and embraced letting go of my own agenda and flowing with total surrender. Spirit has been loud and clear on the next step for me to take for the evolution of my spiritual journey. While I thought I would be someplace this summer, Spirit has been showing me otherwise. This has been all about awakening the Shaman within and to be in alignment with my Truth and my light. In moments like this, you can find yourself with the perfect opportunity to really trust and to have faith.
I encourage you to slow down, check in with what it is you truly desire, and surrender on how you think you'll get there. Find balance with being passive and being assertive in your evolution. Know what you want, but allow it to happen with grace. It will be more rewarding as you learn to trust in a higher power far greater than you. Be open. Stay vulnerable. When you radiate your light and live in your truth of unconditional love, you will witness the miracles unfolding right before you eyes.
The past four years of my life have been the most vulnerable and the most open I've ever been. I've allowed myself to trust my intuition and to follow the Divine Guidance Spirit is showing. It has been the most rewarding and the most transformational, far beyond anything I would ever imagine. There is such a deep sense of gratitude for this life. Simply look around you and see how lucky you are to be living during this historic time in history. There is a mass awakening happening on the planet. The chaos present in the world is literally giving us the opportunity to infuse so much love into the world and for us to step into our power to live a life of endless opportunities that can help serve the highest benevolence. We have the power to connect with Spirit within ourselves and to be the sacred vessel to allow her to do her thing to help restore humanity and to regenerate love as we know it.
I want to know. What is it that you are letting go of and finding yourself in a state of total surrender?